don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
