last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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