maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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