Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Randomize
