That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
