The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
