So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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