bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
