If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
