i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
