Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
