Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
