No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
