My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Randomize
