just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
