I think I just saw someone hide a body.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
