Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
whose parrot is this?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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