i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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