Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
