Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
