This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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