dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
