If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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