On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize