two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Randomize
