Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
