dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
it's like iHOP with fire
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
