i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
