i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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