I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Sacagawea was the original milf.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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