i think my tv is drunk
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
