Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
