We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
