dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Randomize
