i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
