She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize