Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
