Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
