Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
