I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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