I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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