You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Randomize
