this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
