You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Randomize
