either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
