Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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