you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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