Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
