I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
