Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize