Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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