I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
