Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
