I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
