i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
