3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
