My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize