he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
