All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Randomize
