Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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