i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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