Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
