We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
