Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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