can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
My life is pants optional.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
