You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
