I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
This is my gift to your gina
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
