Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
