I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
