Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
