I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
