their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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