3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
As shirtless as possible
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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