So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You made out with two different species that night
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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