My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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