The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
