My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
