Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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