when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
