im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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