i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
