I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have fence marks all over my body
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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