I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize