becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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