I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I just threw up on my dentist
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
