we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
