ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
No subtext here. People are naked.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize