Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
