oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
