We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She bit a glass in half.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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