It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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