If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
is that a dick in a sweater?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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