Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
