To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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