New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Randomize
