Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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