My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Randomize