Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
