My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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