yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
